The Difficulties of Giving 'The Talk' to a six-year-old Assassin
by tsuyuzamu
Summary: Killua asks Illumi how babies are made, and Illumi for the first time isn't prepared. Warning: This is the result of high sugar intake.


When Illumi Zoldyck was eighteen, he was already able to keep a calm, cool, and composed posture. He never panicked, and never became nervous. He simply had no reason to. He did his job well, he kept his mouth shut, blocked out foolish emotions, and prepared for every situation possible. Puberty was no problem, he had prepared himself for it. Illumi Zoldyck was neat, organized, and strategic. He, in his mind, was only doing his best to make sure everything ran and functioned smoothly. All by the age of eighteen. But... nothing, and _nothing _ever got him as flustered and nervous as when his cute little brother, Killua, ran over to him with the happiest grin and the brightest aura, hugging him when he walked through the front door. The hug wasn't what broke poor Illumi, however... It was the question.

"Illu-nii... how are babies made?"

Illumi froze at the question. He didn't know what to say. He had prepared himself for every situation possible... BUT THIS. Why did Killua even want to know? Did he sneak into Milluki's room again? Or did Milluki tell him about 'baby-making'? Either way, Killua wasn't going to let him walk away without squeezing some answers out of him. Illumi coughed, and kept a calm expression the best he could. "Well... there's a white stor-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, that can't be true."

Did Killua just swear? Oh, Milluki was going to be in _so_ much hot water after he somehow gets Killua to stop trying to figure out the truth of baby-making. Literally. He suppressed a stressed sigh and lightly knuckled Killua's head. "No. Swearing. That's bad, Killua. Don't ever use that word again, especially around Mom and Dad."

"Alright, alright!" Killua frowned. "But you aren't answering my question! A bird can't possibly be able to bring a baby to the right family. Plus, Milky-niisan told me that the whole 'stork' thing was some stupid lie from the beginning. Babies are made another way. And you won't tell me! Dad won't tell me, mom won't tell me, and Milky-niisan won't tell me! He just laughs. Stupid Milky-niisan."

Milluki. That. Damn. Milluki. Illumi had to somehow get out of this situation. Killua was too young to know about the whole process, and even if he really, badly, wanted to know, Illumi definitely did not want to be the one to give him 'the talk'. And chances were... he was going to have to be the one to give 'the talk'. Illumi looked around the room in an effort to brainstorm, then finally got an idea. It had a small chance of actually working, but he was going to have to go with it. He rested his pale hands on Killua's shoulders and knelt down. "Killua... it is not time for you to know yet. I'll tell you when you're older."

Killua stared at him with his wide blue eyes blankly, then sniffed. His eyes started to water as a soft whimper escaped his small, pouty lips. Shit. He made Killua cry. Illumi quickly wiped away the falling tears and quickly said, "St-Stop crying, Killua! Assassins don't cry!"

"BUT YOU WON'T TELL ME! AND I DON'T WANT TO WAIT UNTIL I'M OLDER, 'CAUSE THEN I'M GONNA FORGET, AND YOU WON'T EVER TELL ME! AND-AND IF I WAIT UNTIL I'M OLDER, THEN THAT'S GOING TO TAKE A HUNDRED YEARS! AND I DON'T WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG!" Killua wailed, the flood of tears seemingly having no end. Illumi stared at Killua blankly, and then sighed. He sighed a long, tired, exasperated sigh. He was definitely going to give Milluki a mile-long lecture when he was done with this stupid situation. "Okay, Killua... the truth is-"

"I-It's okay, Illu-nii... you don't need to tell me. I'll wait." Killua sniffed, wiping away the tears. Illumi just stared at Killua blankly again, then smiled. It was a relieved, stress-free smile, and he clapped his hands. "Oh really? That's good. What a mature thing to say, Killua. Good job, you're truly the heir to the family business."

"Am I? Yay!" Killua grinned, immediately getting over his short tantrum. He promptly started to bounce away to wherever he was going to go, smiling happily. Once he was gone, Illumi sighed in relief. After a moment of silence, he started to make his way to Milluki's room. He was going to give Milluki that damn lecture, and he was going to make sure Milluki understood it well!

**MEANWHILE**

"Aw, he didn't fall for it." Killua frowned. Then, he smirked. "At least I got to somewhat see his reaction. Mission success~"


End file.
